You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
