is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
porn star boner night. come get it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
