Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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