you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
