I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
