Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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