she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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