im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
