It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
