Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
