Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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