Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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