I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
