So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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