can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
