So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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