Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
