Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
