Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
