I think I died a long time ago.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
