I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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