chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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