So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
