I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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