dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
