when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
