Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
