Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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