I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
