Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
