I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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