Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
