playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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