The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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