You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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