If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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