How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
