My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
