Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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