listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
