Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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