are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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