Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
