Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
