our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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