Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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