I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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