I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
