I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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