I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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