I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
